What if you think the problem is that you did something wrong? You constantly obsess over what you should have done differently, and become defensive when someone suggests the fault might lie with your lover’s or partner’s behaviour, rather than your own?
The problem is you've idealised what love is.
The issue is you become obsessed with emotionally dangerous people.
The solution is to recognise when it's genuine charisma.
During this 30 minute session you will learn:
- When It's Obsession
- How to Recognise Creepy Charisma
- How to Recognise Genuine Charisma
Please do your best to watch/listen to each part in order.
You think the problem is that you did something wrong.
You constantly obsess over what you should have done differently, and become defensive when someone suggests the fault might lie with your lover’s or partner’s behaviour, rather than your own.
You question is constantly
“ what’s wrong with me? ”
The real issue isn’t that you’re unlovable or that you did something wrong.
The issue is - you’ve idealised what love is.
In this episode we are resolving:
Love Obsession: Are they Charismatic or a Creep?
- When Is It Obsession?
- How To Recognise Creepy Charisma
- What Does Genuine Charisma Look Like?
First, how do you recognise when it’s obsession?
Sometimes people actively try to make something an obsession. That’s emotionally dangerous because it sneaks up on you.
If someone is trying to create obsession, they’re trying to make you lose control and become compulsive about them.
Why would they do that? So they can have control later. (This isn’t unique to romantic relationships.)
Their self-worth isn’t high enough for them to believe someone would want to be around them, so they intentionally manipulate charismatic dynamics because that makes a partner less likely to leave them.
So, how do you recognise when it’s creepy charisma?
First of all, you have to understand why you would get drawn to this scenario.
You are most susceptible when you’re suspicious and offish
Why? Because it presents someone with creepy charisma a challenge. The challenge becomes to switch you.
They know you’re wary because of past experiences, so they become everything you would have wanted - someone to be attentive to you, to push beyond your defensiveness.
Once you’re no longer defensive, they then start to use you and you begin to lose confidence in yourself. You believe, somehow, you got sucked in.
So, how to your start to recognise and attract genuine charisma?
The key is to release that defensiveness, because you’re then open to kind, gentle dynamics, but without losing your insight.
Then you can relax enough to feel genuine connection, a genuine charisma.
The moment you start to judge someone how has a creepy charisma agenda is the moment you become susceptible to their manipulation
Why? because when you judge rather than observe you lose insight.
What I found I got sucked into for a long time was feeling I always had to be prepared for an attack’.
That doesn’t work, because you end up putting huge stress on your own body.
So what are three little things you can do to move beyond feeling caught in love obsession and the potential of creepy charisma?
- If you can’t relax around someone, take responsibility for your part in that unease. If you’re still uncomfortable, it’s not your imagination - there IS something that isn’t right.
- Heal your defence patterns. Have you been wondering where all the nice people are? Truth is - they’re not attracted to defensiveness.
- Expect repeat behaviours. If someone is nice or if someone is mean to you, expect them to repeat that behaviour. Don’t be surprised or offended if they behave the same way again.
It will take a few goes – BUT
you will begin to feel you can step away from love obsession -
the feeling of pounding something through and through your head
Remember it’s not about perfect.
It’s about progress.