You’re better off working on your own - right? You believe the only person you can trust is yourself. You’re suspicious of offers of help and prefer to be the super-helpful person. But, at the same time, you would love for someone to notice your needs, to notice what you need without your having to spell it out. The question is why is it you can spot what someone else needs but no one can spot it for you?
What if the problem is you can't trust 'teamwork' because you've been dominated? The issue is you feel defensive and rebel. The solution is to have rejection in perspective.
During this 30 minute session you will learn:
- Why 'Teamwork' Irritates You
- What You Fear
- How You Really Fit
Please do your best to watch/listen to each part in order.
You’re better off working on your own - right? You believe the only person you can trust is yourself. You’re suspicious of offers of help and prefer to be the super-helpful person.
But, at the same time, you would love for someone to notice your needs, to notice what you need without your having to spell it out.
The question is
why is it you can spot what someone else needs
but no one can spot it for you?
In this episode we are resolving:
Why You Won’t Fit In
- Why teamwork irritates you
- What you fear
- How you really fit
First, you need to recognise why you rebel when it comes to fitting in.
You rebel because fitting in feels small: it feels as though you’re trying to squeeze into a small space but you feel you’re awkwardly wandering with an arm hanging out.
Why? Because the ‘arm’ is your unconscious means of escape. Your ‘arm’ is rebellion. If you’ve got an arm hanging out you can lever your way out.
This is why you were the child who wouldn’t really comply, even when you were the ‘good’ one.
It’s the reason why you’re the one who always did something ‘different’.
You’re the one working on your inner world – no one else around you is doing this.
You’re fine with people, you like people - you help people all the time.
So why does teamwork irritate you?
Teamwork irritates you because if you’ve been dominated it’s hard to trust other people.
If you’ve spent a part of your life without the freedom of your own choices or you’ve grown up in a life full of harsh rules you were afraid to break you will assume if you don’t agree with the team you’ll be rejected – and that all teams are unfriendly and you’ve felt you’re better off alone.
As a result, you will unconsciously lean towards unfriendly scenarios or people will assume you’re aloof when you’re really not.
Think of that for a moment – the times you’ve felt subtly excluded, even though perhaps the people involved were not actively excluding you.
What’s the real fear?
The real fear is that if you include yourself you’ll relax and then either domination will creep up on you or you’ll be included but then later suddenly dropped.
You feel this, even if such thoughts are not borne out by your experience, so you stay around situations where you don’t feel you really fit.
So how do you get beyond the belief you’re better off alone?
You do so by dealing with the fear of potential domination, the times in the past when you have felt rejected for not wanting to be compliant; the times you have felt hurt that your individuality hasn’t been noticed, let alone accepted.
So how do you really fit?
The key is to accept some people only feel safe around those they can rule over.
What I got sucked into for a long time was thinking I had to fit in, and be ruled over
You end up feeling you’re always trying to escape.
That doesn’t work, because those who would happily include you think you don’t want to be there.
So what are 3 little things you can do to feel you can choose where you fit?
- Accept some people don’t expect anything from you. There are people who genuinely like you and expect nothing.
- Accept those who dominate are ruled by their insecurity. You assume those who dominate know more than you. They don’t: they operate from fear.
- Spot what’s triggered your aloofness. Because the more you do this, the quicker you’ll find where you fit.