(When empathy becomes self-erasure and how to come back to yourself)

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At the height of The Oprah Winfrey Show, millions tuned in to watch Oprah help others tell their stories.

Week after week, she held the pain of guests, the tears of strangers and the weight of the world.

Then one day, she noticed something: her energy was gone.

In giving everything to everyone, she’d quietly left herself behind.

So she made a subtle but radical shift: she stopped absorbing and started holding. She learned that empathy doesn’t mean carrying someone’s emotion for them. It means standing beside them, not instead of them.

That decision transformed her, and her show. The energy changed from rescue to resonance and from exhaustion to empowerment.

That’s the rescuer’s blind spot: when empathy becomes self-erasure.

From Absorber → Observer

If you’ve been called “too kind,” “too generous,” or “the strong one,” you may have trained yourself to keep everyone else safe, often at the expense of yourself.

When you carry other people’s pain, it feels noble at first. But it’s not compassion, it’s contraction. The early ego layers (shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear) whisper,

“If they’re okay, I’ll be okay.”

But that’s backwards. True empathy doesn’t mean merging. It means mirroring: staying steady enough so that others can find their own balance.

Do This Now (1-minute micro-practice)

Next time someone shares something heavy or emotional, try this:

1. Notice your body. Where do you feel the pull to fix or comfort? Chest? Shoulders? Stomach?
2. Breathe down into your feet. Imagine the energy moving downward, not outward
3. Say silently: “This is theirs. I can care without carrying.”

You’ll feel the difference: empathy stays, exhaustion leaves.

3 Steps to Reclaim Your Energy
(So that your care nourishes, not depletes)

   Step 1 — Catch the pull
When someone’s upset, notice the moment you lean forward (literally or emotionally). That’s the body’s first sign that you’re about to absorb.

   Step 2 — Ground, don’t grab
Drop your shoulders, exhale slowly and visualise your energy settling low in your body, like sand sinking to the base of an hourglass. Presence replaces pressure.

   Step 3 — Reflect, don’t rescue
If they ask for advice, respond with curiosity instead of answers.
Try: “What do you feel you need right now?” instead of “Here’s what you should do.”

Each time you hold space without fixing, you build micro-trust in your own boundaries, the space where intuition thrives.

This Week’s Big Idea

Are you helping… or disappearing?
When empathy becomes self-erasure, awareness is the way back.

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