These famous lyrics from a Beatles song is what my mother said out loud whilst looking at photos of me on holiday.

Insulting me is something my parents have done consistently throughout my life.

In their eyes, this has been for my own good, teaching me not to be “Sooo sensitive,” to toughen me up. It has been so consistent to the extent I believed for many years insults were perfectly normal family communication.

The question becomes – what are the (often subtle/hidden/covert) signs your parents are difficult?

How do you know for sure you’re not being “too sensitive” and what they say to you is indeed unreasonable?

Here are 7 of the signs:

1. Explosive Reactions To Minor Issues To Keep You On Your Toes

   Difficult parents often display unreasonable and unpredictable behaviour, making it challenging to anticipate their reactions. They may react explosively to minor issues or mildly to major issues. They may also show extreme mood swings or give you the silent treatment. This erratic behaviour creates tension leaving you feeling constantly on edge.

2. Clever Criticism and Negativity To Keep You Second Guessing Yourself

   Difficult parents frequently engage in critical and negative behaviour, finding fault in your actions or decisions. They may consistently belittle, judge, use sarcasm or make relentless comparisons. Comparisons are often to a sibling or someone else’s child. “Why can’t you be more like…”

3. Emotional Manipulation and Control Under The Guise Of Being Helpful

   Difficult parents often use emotional manipulation and control as a means to hold power over you. They may use guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail or manipulation tactics to influence your choices. This behaviour limits your autonomy and leads to feelings of being trapped.

4. Lack of Boundaries and Respect To The Point Of Destruction Then Rebuilding You

   A difficult parent will often have difficulty respecting both physical and emotional boundaries. Examples include invading your personal space, breaching your privacy and making intrusive demands. This brings into your life feelings of resentment and powerlessness especially if part of the process is to break you down and build you back up.

5. Inconsistent Support and Kindness Whipped Away Messes With Your Relationships

   A difficult parent may switch between indifference and moments of affection or attention. The inconsistency can leave you feeling confused, insecure and craving emotional support from anyone around you. This can lead to you staying in relationships that are not good for you for fear of abandonment.

6. Gaslighting To Perpetuate The Belief You’re Stupid

   Gaslighting is a manipulation technique used to distort reality and make you doubt your own perceptions. Difficult parents may deny or downplay their hurtful actions, dismiss your feelings or shift blame onto you. Gaslighting leads to you feeling invalidated.

7. Lack of Emotional Empathy Unless It Suits Them

   Difficult parents find it difficult to show empathy or validate your feelings. They may dismiss you to the extent you feel invalidated and unheard.

The common thread in these 7 signs is your difficult parent has you validating your actions through their filter.

So what’s happening? What’s going on? Why do they do this?

The first thing to realise is it’s not your fault this behaviour happens. The actual situation is that they have a deep fear of abandonment themselves, so they exercise rejecting behaviour in the hope you’ll stay close; bouncing back for approval and too afraid to go far from them.

When you can see what’s actually happening you can step back from the behaviour and observe it for what it is.

The maxim I tell my Inner Circle Members to remember is:

Observe Rather Than Absorb

You can learn how to take a moment to observe their behaviour, rather than absorb it.

For years I felt wounded at the thought of my mother calling me a walrus, now I can see that’s a part of her problem not mine.

Through inner work I learnt to feel the amazing freedom of neutral  - where I no longer feel wounded or seek approval. My inner voice is now my own, it’s no longer the voice of my critical parent. 

Are You Ready To go Deeper?

My client, of more than 5 years at the time, always resisted thinking she had narcissistic parents. However she could never understand how her friends seemed to have an easy life in comparison to what she was having to deal with. Anytime I mentioned narcissistic parents her eyes glazed over - until she read this list.

How to spot the narcissist:

1. They’ll never accept therapy even though it’s obvious they need help

2. Narcissists can never admit they do things that are unkind

3. Non-family members suggest / see them as selfish, mean, with a big ego

4. They cover up what they have done wrong by attacking you (verbally)

5. Their jokes and ‘magic tricks’ others regard as too far

6. They lie and manipulate

7. They play people off against each other creating divisions in the family / circle of friends

At which point she realised it wasn’t her, she wasn’t “too sensitive”, her parents were narcissistic. From that point onwards her entire world started to make sense.

As soon as she had this realisation her next step was to work out what type of Narcissist she was dealing with because each type needs a different strategy, which is why I have created this free ebook (no optin required)..

In this Narcissist Profile Matrix free ebook I have organised all of the different types into an easy to understand format. All you need to do is…

Download The

Taming The Tyrant Narcissist Profile Matrix

Am I Crazy? Your Key to Understanding Confusing Relationships

Download The Matrix Ebook Here