Appreciation is very much a human desire.

It is not something the spirit self comes across. We need a physical body in order to experience appreciation, but it remains an emotion that eludes the vast majority of people.

Appreciation is a very strong emotion. It is one that can heal the most difficult situations beyond recognition, whereas the absence of it can take the most bitter of circumstances into a place of deep hurt and resentment.

Rena had met someone called Robert who she was exceptionally keen on. She hadn't initially been interested in him because he was still in his previous relationship. However, he pursued her until she gave in. She was surprised to find just how keen she was on him and even wanted to be with him on a full-time basis.

But with time, she became exceptionally resentful of her Robert’s marriage. Even though the relationship wasn't working, Robert and his wife were still together, and it didn't look as though it would end any time soon.

When she came to ask me about it, I found that her energy immediately prickled at the thought of Robert's wife. She told me how he had said for years that the marriage hadn't been working, but Robert's wife was holding on for dear life. She told me how she just wished this woman would let go.

When I looked at the energy, I felt that indeed this man had said what he meant. His marriage was over with, but he was struggling with a way to present it to his soon-to-be ex-wife without it hurting his family. I told Rena that I felt he was telling the truth, he wasn't lying when he spoke of moving on from his marriage.

Rena's words to me were 'She just doesn't appreciate him and I do.' When I looked into this, I thought hmm... not sure that's the case, there is more to this. I felt it was actually Rena that needed to feel appreciation towards Robert’s wife.

I said, 'Rena, I feel Robert's wife is actually showing you great compassion for your situation. She knows her marriage isn't working and she needs to let it go, but she's in love with the potential of it, rather than in love with her husband. She's trying to have the courage to let it go. She knows about you and she loves her husband enough to let him go. She needs to take a bit of time to get used to things and the idea of being on her own.

For her children, she doesn't want to be resentful of her husband when the relationship is finally finished. She wants to be able to be pleasant enough to him for her children's sake. For her to be able to do that she just needs a bit of extra time.'

With that, Rena's heart melted. She immediately felt compassion and understanding for her Robert’s wife. 'Are you sure that's true Heidi?' My response was, 'Well, that's the way the energy feels.' Suddenly Rena was able to appreciate this woman's situation to the point of being willing to give up her boyfriend.

'It doesn't feel necessary to me to give him up. Just let yourself appreciate his wife and her feelings towards the situation. If you do that, I feel it will all come to the best resolution for everyone involved,' was my reply.

I heard from Rena about a year later. Robert was now going through the completion process of a divorce. Robert and his wife had had a heart-to-heart conversation a short while after Rena had forgiven her resentments and felt appreciation towards his wife. In the conversation, she admitted she had known about Rena for some while. She told her husband how she knew he had tried to tell her and she could see the pain in his eyes about the thought of how it would hurt her to know he was having an affair.

She went on to tell him how she knew it was time to move on from the marriage, but she'd needed a bit of time to get used to the idea. She then told him how she appreciated the time the pair of them had given her. She felt they had offered a situation where she didn't feel pressured.

Both Rena and Robert were amazed at how his wife had spoken of their situation. He couldn't, though, understand why his wife had felt appreciation towards them!

Rena then told him of our conversation and how she had been able to suddenly feel appreciation for his wife when she had previously directed a lot of dislike towards.

When at a later time Rena asked Robert's ex-wife why she had been so truthful in her own process she said, 'It would take a lot more effort to hate him than to love him for the time we spent together. I allowed myself to appreciate our marriage for what it was and gave myself the permission to now let it go. How it turns out for you is your own process. My love for Robert as a person was great enough to let him go. I'm pleased I had the courage because my new partner is more appropriate for me, and my children are happy.'

Rena was completely amazed by this woman's reply, to the extent she began to wonder if she knew something about Robert she didn't! It is extraordinary how we as human beings immediately suspect kind behavior as having an ulterior motive.

Appreciation for the self

Rena's story is a challenge for most people. They find it hard to accept how Robert's wife felt. Most people would expect his wife to have the motive of 'I don't want him so you can have him,' or your thoughts might venture into a hope that maybe Robert would see how great his wife is and leave Rena to go back to someone who really loves him.

The fact is this woman experienced a rare thing in today's world – she experienced a deep love for herself to the extent that she appreciated and respected how she felt enough to respect the feelings of the other people involved.

With this feeling, she trusted that all would be okay and things would work out for the best. She had moved on to find someone with whom she felt more compatible and met him relatively quickly. The reason was that she had let go of Robert enough to be able to be truly available and love again. She appreciated herself enough not to hold resentments or store old hurts to project onto a new situation. She achieved the neutrality that all seek, but do not realize they are looking for.

Appreciation and Neutrality

To feel neutral about a situation or a person is not to say you feel indifferent. Indifference comes after a feeling of deep pain, and it is usually the psyche's way of cutting off the emotions from the feeling of pain. Indifference is a protection mechanism.

Neutrality comes from a position of loving yourself enough to appreciate all of your experiences. The feeling of neutrality allows a person to absorb the most true aspects of their intuitive abilities and extra senses. If the psyche is not spooked by an energy or busy trying to defend itself, you can 'see' clearly. The feeling of appreciation towards the self enables a person to 'see' better because your system isn't busy trying to throw off energies. It simply accepts them as they come. From this perspective, it is easier to view the bigger picture and to see the beauty of life as it is meant to be seen...

Now follow the meditation to release your old resentments and bring forth a true appreciation for yourself.

Arthur & Martha

Martha: I told you we should have gone the other way. Now we have to sit in this traffic.

Arthur: You didn't make yourself clear, Martha. You might have THOUGHT you did.

Martha: I clearly remember saying to go the other way and you took this route.

Arthur: You didn't give me a reason to go the other way so I thought this was fine.

Martha: Oh for crying out loud Arthur! I told you I felt there would be heavy traffic this way.

Arthur: You told me how you saw in your head heavy traffic. That's not telling me.

Martha: It is telling you. I saw in my head a traffic jam if we went this way.

Arthur: How do you expect me to understand that mumbo jumbo? I

respond to this way or that way. I'm a man Martha. Men like to have things clearly, not in some convoluted mumbo jumbo.

Martha: Well my convoluted mumbo jumbo tells me to turn right at the lights. That way will be clear.

Arthur: OK, right at the lights it is. We'll soon see if it's mumbo.

Martha: See...clear road!

Arthur: OK, you were right, maybe there is something in your mumbo.

Martha: What was that you said Arthur?

Arthur: Nothing...

Final thought

"Adversity is so useful. It allows people to look for something beyond day-to-day reality, and this brings them in touch with their true inner selves." Stuart Wilde

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